


Shards

by Deb Walsh Zinefic (debwalsh), debwalsh



Series: The Saavadrin Winds [1]
Category: Star Trek: Enterprise, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Gen, References to Jonathan Archer, Spock-centric, Starfleet Academy, Vulcan, Vulcan Culture, Vulcan Science Academy (Star Trek)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-26 18:21:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19773799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/debwalsh/pseuds/Deb%20Walsh%20Zinefic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/debwalsh/pseuds/debwalsh
Summary: The annual Saavadrin wind race is a right of passage for Vulcan males, but what happens when a Vulcan-human hybrid takes to the water in a one-manned craft with unVulcanly origins?





	Shards

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally written for my fanzine Moonbeam #7 in 2012. I’ve been a lifelong Star Trek fan, but this was the first time I tackled Trek in fiction. It’s a pleasure to share it here on AO3.

Amanda squinted against the sun glittering across the water, struck once again at how incongruous this place was.In the distance, she could see the arid plains of S’tonnor, and beyond them, the austere peaks of the Saavadrin range, embraced by the arc of the ochre sky. 

In stark contrast to the sepia-toned wildness of the mountains and plains surrounding them, the plateau where she stood was alive with color, cool and oddly lush.To the untrained eye, the watercourses appeared to be poured or even laser-cut concrete canals, precise, clean and smooth.With a precision and dedication only Vulcans could embrace, the entire complex of canals and buildings had actually been carved from the native rock by hand. The Oasis of Surak had been created, not for an aesthetic, but as an exercise in logic, taming the wild promontory and bending nature to an imposed pattern, just as those long-ago Vulcans had sought to tame their warrior spirits and contain their emotions by the rigorous application of logic and iron control.

A slight breeze touched the surface of the water, faceting the muted sunlight like shards of broken glass.Sometimes it felt like she was dancing through that shattered glass, navigating the complex and mannered society of Vulcan – the dance of a thousand glass shards.She almost smiled at the thought, but caught herself before the thought reached her lips.Taking a slow, deep breath, she schooled her face and her mind to an emotionless – for her – stillness. 

The air felt so different here among the sparkling canals, so liberating.She could feel her pores opening up to drink in the moisture in the air.She could breathe.It wasn’t until she felt this release each year that she recognized just how closed she felt so much of the time on Vulcan.

It was a fine day, and the esplanade was crowded with spectators for the wind race.It was an event that took place only once a year, when the head winds over the Saavedrin whipped into a fury that drove across the plain and through the plateau.When that happened, teams of young Vulcans competed for who could ride the wind faster and further along the canals until the wind finally died away again.While nowhere near as significant as other rites of passage, like the pon farr, the wind ride was a major event in this part of Vulcan.

Quite unlike such an event on Earth or any human colony, the spectators were muted in their observations, their movements smooth and measured as they glided along the pathways along the canals.Despite her years on Vulcan, she still found the silence of such crowds strange, even unsettling, but Vulcans didn’t cheer, didn’t hawk sports memorabilia, didn’t joke or catcall.They would simply observe in silence.Even the children were quiet, something that more than anything reminded her just how alien this culture was.

And that reminder always made her chest hurt, because it also reminded her of how difficult growing up in this culture had been for her son.Without thinking, she shifted her gaze, searching him out.As she did so, she felt the air nearby shift, and a soft, deep voice greet her.

“Spock is no doubt preparing for the race,” Sarek said.“Although why he did not choose to join the team of Science Academy candidates, he did not say.”

He did not say, thought Amanda, because he was not invited to join the team.

“It is an unusual honor,” Sarek was adding, and for a moment, Amanda was sure she heard pride in his carefully measured voice.“To be invited to join the Science Academy before he even applied.”Yes, it was definitely there – that self-satisfied sigh.Sarek’s son was better than all the other fathers’ sons.Paternal pride was the same the universe over, regardless of the species.She simply couldn’t help it, the smile broke through, and she quickly masked it with a cough. 

Sarek glanced at her with concern – it was there, she knew.“You are not feeling well, Wife?”

“I am feeling fine, Husband.Not used to this much humidity any more,” she commented, nodding at the glistening water surrounding them.

Sarek nodded sagely, although he misinterpreted her comment to be a complaint.“I too find the humidity troublesome.Once the race is over, we can return home, you will be more comfortable there.’

She lifted her face and turned toward the mountains.A dark cloud swirled to the north, the darkest point directly over the highest peak of the Saavadrin.“Looks like the race will be starting soon,” she nodded toward the roiling clouds.

&&&

Their conversation was light, matter-of-fact, and inconsequential over the next few moments, as Amanda continued to scan the crowd for sign of theirson.Spock had not spoken of it, but she knew that the tacit rejection by the Science Academy team had troubled him.But as usual, he’d taken that rejection and channeled the energy elsewhere.She had a feeling that once again, her son would surprise her.

A few moments later, that feeling morphed to reality.She finally caught sight of him, moving through the crowd unhurriedly, something long and flat tucked under his arm, and something else slung across his shoulders.His naked shoulders.Surely even Spock would not participate in the race in his birthday suit!No, on closer inspection, he wasn’t naked, he was sheathed in a flesh-colored body suit.Light reflected off it in places, and she guessed it might be a pressure suit or some other kind of protective gear.Spock had not spoken of his plans for the race, and now Amanda found herself looking forward to it even more, if only to find out exactly what her son was up to.

The participants were starting to take their places, small vessels slipping quietly into the water to slide in between the larger drafted boats, all bobbing gently as the crews boarded them and edged them into position at the barrier.When the winds came, the barrier would be pulled aside, and the teams would capture the wind to speed along the canal to the far end of the plateau.The best design, the best team would edge ahead of the others, finally achieving the win as the Saavedrin winds died away.

Spock was standing off to the side, diligently working to put his vessel together.Through the crush of the crowd, she couldn’t make out exactly what it was, but it certainly did not seem to be very large.That made sense – the canal was fairly deep, but something with a shallow draft, lightweight and maneuverable might fare better than something cumbersome with a hull resting too low in the water.It was one of the variables of the race, however – the depth of the canal was ever changing, as were the winds when they finally came, so no one could predict with certainty what type of vessel would be uniquely suited to the wind race of any given year.

As she watched, he raised a slender mast and tested its flexibility, then unfurled a blood-red sail with a peculiar insignia outlined in black.A few turned to look curiously at the craft, but Vulcan manners dictated that they turn away decorously before their interest became intrusive.As he concentrated on his work, the Science Academy team sauntered by, glancing toward him expressionlessly.She knew they looked at him with a mixture of contempt because of his birthright, and envy because of his intellect.That Spock was descended from some of Vulcan’s greatest luminaries was overshadowed by the mere existence of his Terran mother.Not for the first time, Amanda felt a stab of guilt for the life she’d forced upon her son simply by being his mother.But as she watched him work, absorbed completely in his task, she knew too that Spock was the best of both worlds, something the Science Academy brats could never claim.

Ah, there was T’Pring, the young Vulcan woman that Sarek had selected as their son’s betrothed.From an excellent family not so ancient as Sarek’s, she was lovely, Amanda had to admit, and very conscious of her obvious attractions.But as she trailed the Science Academy team with barely a glance at Spock, Spock’s mother couldn’t help but note that the girl had chosen the more popular and socially acceptable young Vulcan males over her betrothed.Somehow she didn’t see the future that Sarek did.

Finally, Spock seemed to have his boat or whatever it was constructed, and he straightened and took a single step back to survey his work.One last tweak, and he seemed satisfied.In one smooth motion, he scooped it up, strode briskly to the edge of the canal, and suddenly disappeared from view.

A moment later, he resurfaced, shook the water from his eyes, and levered himself up in a cascade of glistening water onto the deck of his vessel.There, he grabbed hold of the mast, shifted a few times to test his footing, and waited.

If it was possible, a greater hush fell upon the plateau.She sensed it, too.The wind was turning. 

She glanced toward the mountains and saw the deep violet cloud above them churn with turbulence.Then suddenly, the clouds began to shred, and the howling pushed away the hush.A sound very like an oncoming freight train pounded across the plain, and she had to open and close her mouth a couple of times to make the pressure pop in her ears.A breath later, the Saavedrin winds slammed into the plateau like the hand of God.She felt Sarek’s arm curl protectively around her waist as the winds buffeted them in the viewing area; that was nothing to what the contestants faced.

In one swift motion, the barrier holding back the competing craft was swept away, and they were off.

&&&

Even as the wind thundered across the plateau, the wind race participants themselves were silent, save for the occasional involuntary grunt of effort.Boats, slips, junks and dinghies vied for position to catch the best air from the onrushing wind, and on occasion, hull scraped upon hull, or dragged along the canal bottom, adding to the background cacophony. 

Spock heard none of it.His awareness had narrowed down to the sensations of the wind whipping his hair, the mast held in one hand, and the board beneath his bare feet, his muscles tensing to maintain both balance and the proper attitude to maximize wind propulsion.The wind itself was strangely alive, pulsing with energy and catapulting his small craft ahead of the main body of boats.He barely had a chance to register the uncharacteristic expression of surprise on Stonn’s face as his vessel shot forward, leaving the Science Academy team’s larger and heavier boat awash in his wake.The odd sensation of satisfaction that flickered on the edge of his awareness surprised him, and was quickly clamped down.It was not logical to feel satisfaction that his board had passed the clearly inferior design of the Science Academy boat.

But another sensation – emotion, if he was honest with himself – that was proving harder to contain was something he had never experienced before.He had certainly read about it in his research into the human condition, and in his truly private moments, he had actually wondered what it actually might feel like.He could not be precisely sure that what he was experiencing was in fact that, but it seemed to fit the parameters defined in the literature.As Spock adjusted his weight and posture on the board as it swept ahead down the canal, he felt strangely energized and buoyed by this rising emotion.The only word he could think to describe it was joy.

What an odd thing for a Vulcan to feel.Satisfaction, that was not uncommon.Some might say that Vulcans were prone to self-satisfaction, and more than one race had pointed to the Vulcan calm as evidence of the Vulcan sense of superiority.And contrary to what outsiders thought, Vulcans did feel, and feel deeply – they simply did not allow the feelings to overpower logic. 

But joy?

As he shifted his weight once again and surged forward even further down the course, he allowed himself an inner moment to analyze the sensation.Pleasant, yes, but perhaps too much so.As the feeling grew within him, he recognized it for the intense emotion that it was.And in that moment, he understood at a visceral level the danger of allowing intense emotion to overwhelm logic.In the time it took for him to lift his right foot slightly and slide it further forward on the board, he could feel the powerful emotion threaten to engulf his senses.

He closed his eyes and leaned into the flow of the Saavadrin wind, trusting his body to function optimally as he focused inwardly to contain the expanding emotional response.He was barely aware of the dips and tacks the board made, the pressure of the wind at his back and the resistance of the air ahead, the flap of the sail and the tug of the mast, and the fluid response of his body adjusting to maintain both balance and speed.

Breathing deeply and slowly, Spock tamed the errant emotion, and when he opened his eyes, he felt the wind dying away and found himself coasting to stop in clear, open water, the silent cadre of Vulcan elders seated stoically at the end of the watercourse.

Spock learned another emotion in that moment.Pride.And as he became aware of the sounds of the craft he’d slid past in his headlong rush through the canals, a little bit of vindication.A hint of a smile tugged at his lips, quickly contained and locked away.

Sound seemed to suddenly become swallowed by a void.A stunned silence, even quieter than the normal hush, met him as he opened his eyes.He shifted his eyes from side to side as he relaxed into an easy tacking motion, taking in the empty water lapping gently around him.Empty of watercraft.Empty of competitors. 

The wind had fallen completely still.Feeling oddly exposed, Spock allowed his momentum to carry him to the edge of the canal, straightened and planted both feet side by side on his board.He flicked the switch in the mast, and it retracted into the board as it scraped up against the lip of the stone.

Ahead stood the arbiters of the competition, still and severe as if carved from the same rock as the canals themselves, their impassive expressions faintly accusatory in that lack of emotion.Spock stepped off the board on the apron of the canal and inwardly steeled himself for the maelstrom to come.

Spock had won the Saavadrin wind race.And the judges did not appear to be happy at the reality of it.

&&&

“It is a fusion of Vulcan and Terran tradition and technology.”

“Fascinating.”

Spock stood motionless, awaiting the elder’s next comment before speaking again.He kept his gaze straight ahead, head slightly declined so he didn’t look directly into the eyes of the elder.He still felt the disapproval despite his lack of eye contact.

“The material of the suit, Spock – what is it?” T’Pring asked, her hands gliding over the surface of his pressure suit. She was close, very close.Too close, perhaps, and the sly expression that touched her lips as she glanced up at him through thick lashes told him she knew quite well how temptingly close she was.She drew in a deep breath and allowed her hands to explore some more of his body encased in the suddenly all-too-thin pressure suit.The elder did not comment, as T’Pring was acting on behalf of the race’s judge tribunal, and had begun her examination at the elder’s instruction.

“A variation of silicone,” Spock answered in what he hoped was an even tone.“I modified the molecule to suit my purposes.The goal was to create a frictionless envelope so that the board rider generated minimal wind resistance.”

T’Pring dropped her hand to curl her nail-tipped fingers around his palm.“And did you succeed?”

“Evidently,” Spock replied, carefully removing his hand from her touch, and glancing toward the massed ships and craft of the other race participants. 

“And the craft itself?How does it … ‘fuse’ Vulcan technology to the Terran?”

“The general concept of the board and mast were suggested by a human activity.The materials of the board and mast are Vulcan in origin.However, in my research, I found fascinating parallels in Vulcan history.”

“Explain.”

Spock turned slightly and found himself nearly nose to nose with T’Pring.Softly, he apologized and she moved back, one step at a time, holding his gaze with her own, until he nodded once.He bent to touch the control on the board that would release the mast.It sprang up silently, unfurling to full height, then extended the arm on which the sail was anchored.Spock pulled the sail taut so the design could be seen in full.On the red fabric, a design in black was painted, suggesting a pair of spiraling wings.

The elder’s eyebrow arched inquisitively, but his face remained otherwise impassive.“The wind dancers,” Spock prompted.

“And?”

“And, in the early days of the Oasis of Surak, the Saavadrin wind race was not so much a race at all, but a ritual conducted by Surak’s followers who used the wind to trace intricate patterns within the symmetry of the canals, using a board not unlike the one I’ve used today.They did not use a sail, however.They were called ‘wind dancers’.”

The elder lifted his chin, allowing him to view Spock down the severe declination of his nose.His eyes flicked toward the image emblazoned on Spock’s sail.Lips pursing slightly, the elder nodded his head once, decisively.

“That is acceptable.You may present on the development of this craft and its roots in Vulcan history as your first presentation to the Science Academy, Spock.Provided you excise any reference to Terran origins, of course.”

“Sir?” Spock asked, his own eyebrow lifting slightly in the interrogative.

The elder looked at Spock as though his question were inappropriate, but Spock did not release him from it.After an extended moment of silence, the elder replied, “You have done well, despite your obvious handicaps, Spock.It is time for you to embrace your strengths and use them to your advantage.”

“To eliminate reference to Terran inspiration in the craft’s design would be a falsehood, elder.In the interest of scientific inquiry, is it not preferable to embrace the truth rather than the comfortable misdirection?”

Again, a lengthening void met Spock’s question.Again, Spock did not turn away.Finally, the elder responded, “The human game is a distraction from the higher truth, Spock.The concept and execution are Vulcan in origin.There is no value to this other fruitless line of inquiry.”

“On the contrary,” Spock was quick to counter.“The Earth’s surface is comprised of more than 75% water.Human theories of evolution indicate that life originated in the ocean – that is not something that can be claimed of Vulcans.Throughout their history, humans have mastered water.”He glanced toward his board and nodded.“This is an extension of that mastery, adapted for modern Vulcan.”

The elder remained silent, but his eyes betrayed a growing annoyance with Spock’s insistence on retaining the provenance of his idea.A breath later, he continued, “You have won a place at the Academy on the strength of your intellect and achievement, despite what might otherwise have been an insurmountable handicap.The revered and lengthy history of your father’s family and its contributions to Vulcan outweigh the challenge of your mother’s origins.”The elder paused, eyebrow raised, watching Spock to ensure his lesson was sinking in, Spock knew.Spock was not surprised to hear the warning in his next words, “Do not further complicate matters over a simple miscalculation.Remove the offending human reference.”

Spock held the elder’s eyes a moment longer, and then nodded to himself.He catalogued yet another emotion, and was grateful for the mental discipline he had so recently employed as he held that emotion in check.The emotion was anger, as pure and sharp as the finest blade.He could feel it sing along his nerve endings, pounding through his blood. 

As if at a distance, he heard T’Pring offer, “I will assist you, Spock.”He could almost hear the pleading in her voice.She practically spoke the thoughts:You have finally become acceptable to me, Spock, and now you throw it away?He could feel her withdrawing physically from him, and it surprised him how much easier it became to breathe.

Turning his head toward his betrothed, he felt an uncharacteristic sadness brush past his awareness.For a moment, she had desired him, wanted to be his wife.In the next beat of her heart, he was letting her down, living down to the expectations she held of the Vulcan-human hybrid her father had forced her to marry.But her disappointment was nothing compared to his.And she could not know the anger that clarified his vision now.

He turned back to the elder, raised his eyes to look directly into the haughty, disapproving gaze.He answered T’Pring’s offer, but it was to the elder he spoke.“There is no need.I will not be making the presentation, for I will not be attending the Vulcan Science Academy.”

“You have been offered a place at the Academy, Spock.It is the highest honor a young Vulcan can receive, even more so for one such as yourself,” the elder pointed out, his expression betraying confusion.

“The honor I have accepted is higher than what Vulcan can offer,” Spock replied simply and with finality.Without glancing down, he thumbed the mast control so it snicked back into place, and flipped the board upright with his foot.Holding it carefully across his body, he nodded to the elder, then to T’Pring, and turned away into the crowd, leaving T’Pring to stare after him in bewilderment, and the elder in consternation.

&&&

“And when would Spock ever have been exposed to such a thing?” Sarek was asking as he opened the door to the dwelling he shared with Spock and Amanda.“He has not been to Earth since he was a small child.”

“And we didn’t go to the beach then, I agree.No, it’s from the vacation vids my brother sent.His two hellions love to surf – they spend so much time in the water, Charles swears they’re going to turn into mermen!”

Sarek turned and regarded her curiously.“I was not aware that such evolutionary change was so readily triggered in the human genome.”

Amanda stared open-mouthed at Sarek for a long moment, caught between a giggle that threatened to erupt out of her and awareness that such a display would be inappropriate.She masked the giggle with a sneeze, and bought herself an extra moment while she waved him off to locate a tissue.“I apologize, Sarak, it must be dryness here at ground level,” she commented, folding the dry tissue into quarters.“It’s just an expression,” she added gently.“We humans are fond of saying that we will turn into something else if we continue to do something to excess.I am not aware of any indications that we will return to the sea with gills and tails any time soon.”

Sarek considered this a moment before answered.“It is a strange fondness,” he observed.“I fear that I may never truly understand human vernacular.”

“Even using Federation standard, there are so many regional and local variations, I don’t think I will, either, Sarek,” she replied, patting him affectionately on the arm as she passed by him to enter the kitchen.She knew that Sarek preferred the dust-dry air of the plains, but she was missing the humidity of the Oasis already.Tea was called for.The ritual was soothing and would give her time to order her thoughts.And the fragrant steam was as sure to ease her taut skin as the drink itself would ease her thirst.

As she set about brewing the tea, she thought about how pleased Sarek had been when their son had won the Saavadrin race.Since Sarek hadn’t known that Spock was entering on his own, he’d never had a chance to form expectations of success or failure, and the unexpected win had clearly delighted her husband.Well, to another human, perhaps the delight would not have been so evident, but Amanda had learned through the years to read his expression more minutely than another human – and possibly a Vulcan – could.She smiled to herself as she set out the cups, listening to the water churn inside the kettle.It had a different Vulcan name, and it was oddly shaped, like a series of angular geometric shapes intersecting, but it still served the purpose of a familiar old tea kettle.

After Spock won, they’d hung back to allow him to enjoy his moment.She couldn’t be sure from the distance at which they’d observed, but she was concerned that “enjoy” wasn’t the right word at all.Spock had looked tense, and the way that T’Pring had hovered around him was downright peculiar.She understood arranged marriages – they were part of human history, too – and she knew that Sarek had been honor-bound to offer his first-born son in marriage to an appropriately old and respected Vulcan family.He’d selected T’Pring from a number of female children when she and Spock had been barely a few months old.Beautiful and a fiercely intelligent scientist in her own right, T’Pring was also a young woman.She preferred the company of young men other than her betrothed, so her interest in Spock after his win just seemed opportunistic to Amanda.

The kettle was whistling, and she pulled it off the hob and poured out two mugs.Lifting hers to savor the aroma and rising steam, she nearly spilled the hot liquid on herself when she heard Sarek speak only inches from her ear.“You worry too much, Wife.”

“Are you reading my mind again, Husband?” she asked, allowing an affectionate smile to curl the corners of her lips.

“I know you do not like T’Pring.But she is suitable, and one day, she will make a good wife to Spock.”

“And today?”

“Today he has proved himself the better mate.I would expect that we will see more of T’Pring now that Spock has demonstrated his logical and scientific prowess.”

“Logical and scientific prowess,” Amanda repeated with a hint of a chuckle.“Yes, just what every girl is looking for.”

“Every Vulcan girl is,” Sarek reminded her.Touching her shoulder gently, he asked, “What is it that human girls look for in a mate?”

She set down the mug and turned into his arms.“Whatever it is, I found it … right … here,” she replied softly, kissing him lightly on the nose.

Before Sarek could react to Amanda’s playful affection, they were both startled by the sound of the front door slamming shut.“Spock’s home already?” Amanda asked, her brows furrowing in confusion as she turned toward the main living area.“I thought he’d stay on the plateau to celebrate his win.”

“Yes, there is normally a celebration ritual for the winner, and a feast among the competitors,” Sarek replied, following only a step behind.

They found Spock, still dressed in the flesh-colored bodysuit, halfway up the open staircase to his living area.At the sound of his parents coming into the living area, he paused, drew a deep breath – of resignation? Amanda wondered suddenly.He turned stiffly on the stair and waited, still and silent.

“You did not choose to remain for the winner’s festivities?” Sarek inquired, puzzled. 

“We thought you’d be busy, that’s why we didn’t wait for you –“ Amanda said at the same time.

The weary, worn cast of his face tore at Amanda’s heart.She knew it.Something had happened to foul Spock’s win.Something, no doubt, to do with her.

“I know nothing of winner’s festivities,” Spock admitted dully.“I was not informed – perhaps they are being held in my absence.”

“But you met with the elder.We saw you with him and T’Pring –”

“T’Pring was interested in the material of my bodysuit,” he gestured toward the form-hugging sheath.“Speaking of which, Mother … I seem to have miscalculated the frictionless nature of the suit.It is frictionless, but I am not.The walk home –”

“What does that have to do –” Sarek began to ask, but Amanda spoke over him as the sheepish and pained expression in Spock’s eyes registered.“In my bathroom, in the cabinet.You missed the lesson of the surgical glove.”

“Mother?”

“When you can’t remove the source of the friction, sometimes the most effective way to reduce friction is to create a barrier between the surfaces so they never come in contact – in that case, powder between skin and glove,” she explained with a smile.

“Ah.Yes, I did miss that lesson,” Spock agreed, his expression relaxing with the realization that relief was at hand.“Thank you, Mother.”He looked toward Sarek and asked, “If I may?”

“No, you may not,” Sarek replied, turning to look at each of Spock and Amanda in turn.“I wish to know what the elder wanted of you.I wish to understand why you have not availed yourself of the honors owed you as winner of the Saavadrin race.”

Spock was silent for a long moment, then bowed his head slightly, and answered, “Of course, Father.The elder was interested in having me present my first paper to the Academy on the development of my board.”

“A surfboard,” Amanda prompted, sneaking a mischievous peek toward Sarek.

“Inspired by them, yes, Mother.Improved upon, using Vulcan technology and materials.”

Amanda couldn’t be mistaken – that was a triumphant look in Sarek’s eyes when he glanced back at her.Counting coup then.

“A paper, then,” Sarek repeated, nodding.“I would be most interested in providing peer review,” Sarek announced, his pride in his son’s achievement evident – to her – in the even tone.

“Then I fear I must disappoint you, Father.I will not be presenting a paper to the Vulcan Science Academy.On this or any other subject.”

In years to come, when Amanda played this moment back in her memory, she would swear that the edges of everything in her field of view had somehow crystallized to an intense sharpness, light glittering coldly over the brittle edges.She could almost hear the vibrating ring of crystal forming around her family, and she felt the desperate urge to draw them close, keep that contact so she’d never have to let them go.The background seemed to melt into a swirl of bleeding colors, like a watercolor left out in the rain.In the now, she was aware of silence so deep, so profound, she wondered briefly if she’d somehow lost the sense, that sound itself had died. 

“Explain.”Sarek’s voice was like thunder breaking across the Saavadrin range, fierce and far too close.That single word held worlds of promise, disappointment and fear.

“I will not be attending the Vulcan Science Academy, Father,” Spock stated flatly, and turned back toward the stairs.

“Stop.”

Spock paused again, the cast of his shoulder betraying his tension.Sarek drew a shaky breath, and Amanda moved toward him, instinctively offering her hand; he pulled his hand away from her, standing alone and apart as he stared intently at their son’s back.

“You will explain.”

Spock turned, set his board against the wall with deliberate care, and Amanda knew he was stalling for time, getting his thoughts in order.Sarek and Spock had never had an easy relationship, but then, both were complex and challenging, each in his own way.When he was satisfied the board was in the appropriate position, Spock replied, looking directly into his father’s impassive face, “There is little to explain.I have elected to accept a posting to Starfleet Academy.”

Amanda felt pride and pleasure surge within her, even as she felt a counterpoint of disappointment that her son would leave Vulcan.While Sarek had been focused on the honor of Spock’s acceptance into the Vulcan Science Academy, he’d once again forgotten that Spock’s mother was human, and for her, the Vulcan Science Academy did not carry quite the same prestige and pride as other institutions might.To be accepted into the Starfleet Academy, Spock had had to cross planetary and cultural boundaries, would have had to be recommended and mentored by someone whose opinion carried weight.And that someone might not be so easily influenced by Sarek’s family history, and would be swayed more by Spock’s own achievements –

“That is not logical,” Sarek replied flatly, interrupting the excited flow of Amanda’s thoughts.“You are Vulcan, son of an illustrious Vulcan family.Even so, you have been offered a singular honor by the Vulcan Science Academy.It is not logical that you should reject it.”

“I’m afraid your logic is faulty, Father.I am a Vulcan-human hybrid, a genetic deficiency of which the Academy elder chose to remind me several times this afternoon.I am son of an illustrious human family as well.”

Amanda closed her eyes in despair, her elation and pride vaporized in the blast of those few words.She could feel the rigid stillness that overtook Sarek’s posture, the pure white anger that boiled up within and was contained in an eyeblink as he exercised logical control over the emotion.But the damage was done.

Spock could see it, too, she knew.In his eyes, she could see the depths of his loneliness threatening to swallow him whole as realization came clear.In explaining his position, Spock had inadvertently used one of the most devastating insults a Vulcan child could offer a Vulcan adult, questioning the validity of the adult’s logic.

“Father, I did not mean to question your faculties, only the data available to you for analysis –“

“Reject all that the Vulcan Science Academy has to offer, and enter Starfleet Academy if you must, Spock.But you will do it not as son of this house.”The icy tone of Sarek’s statement effectively ended the discussion.Amanda fought the sense of abandonment as she felt Sarek separate from her physically and emotionally, at the same time she yearned to gather her son into her arms and never let him go.

Spock stared at his father for a long moment.Sarek was immobile as though carved in the rock of the Oasis of Surak by those long-ago followers.Amanda felt her world fracturing, splintering into thousands, millions of tiny dagger-like fragments.She knew in the next breath, those shards would shred her from existence if Spock made any choice but what his father had chosen for him.And she knew that was the last choice he should make.

“Then I am sorry, Father.An Academy of small minds and smaller points of view is not the place for me, either as a scientist or a man.I will not spend my career or my life apologizing for my birth.It is a fact, I am a child of two worlds, and I am the better for it.”

How was it possible for her to feel such pride, such gratitude for her son, and at the same moment, such fear that she was about to lose him forever?Stealing a look at her husband’s impassive face, for just a moment, Amanda thought that Sarek might relent.She saw doubt in his eyes, a flicker that told her that Spock’s words both surprised and confused him when he’d thought he’d spoken the last word.His demeanor relaxed slightly, then stiffened once more, as though he’d made his decision.To him, it was no doubt a logical decision, but she was not a logical person, and she did not want to hear his verdict if it meant choosing between him and their son.

Spock watched Sarek’s expression as avidly as Amanda did.When Sarek did not speak again, and his expression seemed to harden even further, Spock nodded once, and turned to go.Sarek did not call out to him or reach for his son, merely stood there, frozen in place and time.

“Sarek,” Amanda said, allowing a note of pleading to enter her voice.“It is a misunderstanding, Sarek.It can be resolved!Spock, do not go –” she grabbed his wrist and tugged him closer.

“I am sorry, Mother.It would appear that my presence can only cause more embarrassment and conflict.There is a transport to Earth leaving in two days’ time.I have much to do before then.If you will excuse me?” he asked politely, gently removing her hand from his wrist. 

He stood a moment longer, holding her hand and studying it intently as though seeing it for the first time.It was the hand that had dried those rare tears he’d shed as a child, ruffled his hair affectionately, and itched to hold him as he’d grown older and more determined to be Vulcan.She looked into his eyes and saw the pain there, and the strength.Not for the first time, and she hoped not for the last time, she stared in wonder at the child she had brought into the world.How could Sarek not see how incredibly fortunate they were to have a son such as Spock?

A small smile touched his lips, and he raised his other hand to frame her cheek.“Would you accompany me to the spaceport, Mother?”

She covered his hand with her own and smiled, nodding.

“Thank you,” he said softly, taking his hand away and leaning in to kiss her softly on the cheek.“For being you, for being my mother.Thank you,” he whispered fervently, surprising her with the rare show of emotion, then turned, collected his board, and went quickly up the stairs.

She stood watching him for a moment, and gradually came to realize that Sarek was, too.And her husband’s face betrayed the pain he felt, too.But knowing he was in pain didn’t relieve her of the anguish she felt, nor the need to lash out.“You forget, Sarek, that you are not a single parent.You have a wife, and that wife has family and history and aspirations of her own.In holding your blasted Vulcan traditions so dear, you insult me and all of humankind.I hope you’re satisfied with what you’ve done to our family, Sarek.I hope you –” she cut off abruptly, her anger choking off her voice.In a small corner of her mind, she was grateful, not knowing what she’d say next, or what damage she’d inflict.Was she really ready to end their marriage?She wasn’t ready to face that possibility yet.Instead, she turned and stalked across the living area toward the bedroom they shared, slamming the door shut behind her with a satisfying crack!

&&&

Spock sat in his room, lights off, listening to the overpowering silence of the house.The House of Sarek.He lifted his chin and breathed deeply once, twice, three times.Three breaths to gain control.Three breaths to banish the fear and the pain to their appointed place, deep within. 

But those very human, very real emotions refused to be exiled to the nether place where emotions went to die.Instead, they continued to surge up into his awareness, demanding to be addressed.

So, the logical action was to examine the emotions, study them so he could know how to bury them.

In truth, Spock did not know if he actually felt more than a full Vulcan of his age, or if there was simply a perception that he was at greater risk of emotional response because of his half-human genetic make-up.He had never studied the genetic data regarding the development of the embryo that eventually grew into him, but he’d always assumed the distribution of Vulcan vs. human genetic material was roughly 50-50.He didn’t look any different from his peers, and if one were ignorant of his parentage, one would assume he was full Vulcan.Because his “deficiencies” were hidden, everyone inclined to believe they existed assumed that all the damage must be on the inside.

But was he?Damaged?

He did not think so.His response to the elder’s request that he suppress the human origins of his project had not been fueled by emotion – although he’d certainly had a brief and intense emotional response – but by logic.Scientific inquiry hampered by xenophobia could never reach its potential – it was impossible to draw an accurate conclusion from raw data if you were blinded by your own prejudices.And if you refused to even see data because it did not fit your preconceptions … what species could have reached for the stars with that intellectual handicap?

In retrospect, the elder’s actions had not, in themselves, been logical.His refusal to accept a human contribution to the technology of the winning craft had been the result of an untempered emotional response.

The realization allowed Spock to relax, and in relaxing, focus.And with the focus came control.And with control, the emotions were examined, catalogued, and placed safely into containment.

No, Spock concluded.It was not he who suffered damage.Surprisingly, he realized that it was the very Vulcans who criticized and doubted his “Vulcanness” who had succumbed to emotional response.These same Vulcans failed to process the data at their disposal dispassionately, and therefore missed the details to properly inform their conclusions.

He swung his legs up on the bed, and leaned back on the bed with his hands clasped behind his head.Spock’s presence created an opportunity for disharmony among those Vulcans susceptible to emotional discord.In this case, the most effective way to reduce the friction between himself and the Vulcans who’d yet learned to contain their emotions was to insert a gap between them.

As he must with his father.He believed that Sarek truly did not have sufficient data, but he regretted his words as his intent had never been to insult his father’s command of logic.He did not wish to be a disappointment to his father, but nor did he want to live his life to please his father.He did not always understand Sarek’s motivations, and perhaps he never would. 

But he did not wish to hurt his mother, and he knew that the conflict between him and his father certainly had caused her pain.And his departure would no doubt cause her even more.But he also knew that Mother always wanted the best for him, even if she didn’t understand the cultural or biological imperative behind it.She couldn’t know what it meant to be Vulcan, and yet she had somehow found a way to live and flourish on this world, so different from the planet of her birth.And while she did not exercise the disciplines of rigorous logic, she still managed to live in peace, in harmony, with the world around her.

He could honor her by living and flourishing there, on Earth, her home.He would honor them both by succeeding at Starfleet Academy, by existing in harmony with the many races there.

And Spock catalogued yet another emotion, that of excitement.As he examined the sensation preparatory to locking it away, he acknowledged that it was a good emotion, full of propulsive energy.A creative and useful emotion.Logically, the fear could always return as conditions changed and challenges grew, and so could the excitement.Spock found that oddly comforting.And with that thought, he got up off his bed and went back to packing, utilizing the energy the excitement generated.

&&&

As Spock packed his things to make the trip to Earth, and Amanda prepared herself to release her first and only born upon the starwinds, Sarek receded into the background, contenting himself with spending time in his study, out of their way.He’d made no attempt at conciliation with his son, and his one try at making peace with Amanda had been met with a decided chill.She had not been emotional or unpleasant; she’d simply been disinterested.

And so Sarek observed, as if at a distance, while his family collapsed upon itself.It seemed the logical thing to do until the situational flux normalized, or so he told himself.

&&&

Finally, the appointed hour arrived, and Spock and Amanda left the house to travel to the spaceport, several cases in tow.The flier took them toward the Saavadrin range, over the Oasis of Surak.The wind was still, dormant until next year’s race.Amanda couldn’t help but look down into the blue waters, the green bushes and trees, and the sandstone-colored stone of the plateau.The one place on Vulcan even remotely like home.

Spock merely gave the Oasis a passing glance.Amanda closed her hand over his, and squeezed.She smiled to herself when he squeezed back.

“Your Uncle Charles will be happy to see you, and the boys will no doubt want to teach you their latest craze,” she was saying, avidly taking in the vista as though she would never see it again.

“I will be quite busy with my studies at the Academy, Mother.I do not anticipate having any time to learn the ‘latest craze’.”

“I’ll be happy to see Charles.It’s been years since I’ve visited him and the boys.Watching vacation vids isn’t the same as being there,” she added wistfully.“It’ll be good to go home.”

Spock closed his hand around the handle of his traveling case, and stared straight ahead.After a moment, he said, “You will not be going home today, Mother.”

Amanda looked at him curiously.“Why not?The ticket’s purchased –“

“Tickets can be returned.Or exchanged.That is beside the point.You should not go to Earth today, Mother.”

“I know you’ll explain eventually, Spock.You might as well start now.”

“You will not return to the Earth today because it is not in your nature to leave something undone.You do not run away.”

“Neither do you, Spock.”

“You are correct, Mother.I am not running away from anything.I am not running in any way.But today, I take the first step on the road to my future..And it is a future that I must embrace myself.”

“Without your Mom tagging along.”

“Without my Mother accompanying me when she really wants to be with my Father.”

“Your Father and I … it’s –“

“Complicated, I know.It has always been complicated and challenging, has it not?It is therefore logical that your relationship will always be complicated and challenging.But I am removing the source of friction – you will not need a barrier between you any longer.”

“Spock, I – “

“It is all right, Mother.As I said, I am not running away from anything.It is logical that I move forward.And it is logical that you do as well.”

Amanda stared at Spock, affection crinkling the lines around her eyes.She slipped her hand over his, and patted it gently.“I don’t know that I can.”

“Yes you can, Mother.It would not be logical for you to end your marriage to Father at this point.You and Father have made too many sacrifices and compromises to end things now.You will work this out, as you have every other challenge presented to you.”

Amanda was, by human standards, a superior logician.Sarek had once told her that that quality had been one of the first things that attracted him to her.And listening to her son reduce the years of struggle, loneliness and triumph into a simply logic puzzle, she had to smile.Trust Spock to see through to the core of it all.“Of course, you’re right, Spock.It’s only logical.”

“Precisely.”

&&&

The house was silent in an entirely new way, Sarek realized.Spock was never a rambunctious child – quite the contrary, he’d always been quiet, even for a Vulcan child.That had been a pleasant surprise, he remembered, for neither he nor Amanda had known just how human their son might be.Spock had turned out satisfyingly Vulcan.And while not exactly noisy, Amanda had a way of filling the spaces with something other than silence.Something indefinable, but whatever it was, it brought life and energy into his home, and peace into his soul.And now, with both his son and his wife absent, the home had simply become a silent shell, a dwelling without life.

Amanda had left the night before with Spock, both headed to the spaceport.He knew that Spock would travel from there to Earth and Starfleet Academy, leaving behind all that was familiar, all that was expected of him.Sarek did not know what Amanda’s plans were.He did not know if she would accompany their son to Earth, or return home to him.He did not know if she would return at all.There had been no goodbyes, no exchange of wisdom nor blessing of long life and prosperity.No tender kisses nor whispered endearments.No familiar touching fingers to fingers, or uncharacteristic tears.There had only been silence and determination.An unhurried exit, and a quiet snick of the front door closing.And now emptiness.

He was not at all certain how the situation had spiraled so far out of control and so quickly.He had to admit that Spock had been correct in stating that he had not been in possession of all of the data, for the result of his actions had not been at all logical.Was it the introduction of uncontrolled human emotion?The unpredictable affects of Spock’s blended human-Vulcan physiology?Had he somehow miscalculated Spock’s understanding of the importance of his acceptance into the Vulcan Science Academy, and consequently Vulcan society itself?

Or had he, as Amanda had intimated, acted out of pride, and in that pride, set a sequence of events in motion that were not optimal, or acceptable?

Because, he had to admit to himself, a house empty of his wife and son was simply not acceptable.

“Ambassador Sarek?” a soft, cultured voice called from the living area.Puzzled, Sarek set aside his musings and left his private area, his “study” as Amanda called it, and entered the living area.There stood T’Pring.Their door was never locked, but it was unusual for anyone to let themselves in unannounced.Of course, through her betrothal to Spock, T’Pring wasn’t just anyone.

“I have brought Spock’s trophy.For winning the Saavadrin wind race.”She held out a tall, heavy crystalline object, flowing lines and sweeping curves, like wind dancing across the water.Surprisingly similar to the symbol of the ancient wind dancers.He moved wordlessly to accept the trophy, watching her in puzzlement.

After he’d accepted the award, she just stood there.He looked up from the cool crystal and said, “The race ended two days ago.Why is it that you did not bring it earlier?Spock is gone.”

“I have heard that he has left Vulcan.I did not think that Spock wanted it.I thought perhaps you might like to have it.”

Sarek lifted the trophy and watched the subtle play of light within the structure.The smooth material looked very like rushing water drawn up into a spiraling siphon of air.“It is quite beautiful.But I have no need of trophies.I will put it in Spock’s room,” he added, placing the object on a nearby surface.“No doubt he will come home during a break in the school year.”Even as Sarek spoke the words, he had to wonder if his son would return home, or if once in Starfleet, Spock would choose space over his home soil.He banished the thought.“Nonetheless, I thank you for your effort.”He moved to escort her out of the dwelling, but she seemed hesitant to move.“You are troubled that Spock has left?”

T’Pring considered her answer for a moment, then replied, ‘Not so much troubled, Ambassador, no.But I would ask that you consider … that you consider terminating the kah-li-far.”

Sarek blinked in surprise.“Terminate?You and Spock are bound to each other, mind to mind, to meet at the appointed time.Why would you wish to terminate the joining?”

“Why would I wish to terminate?Why would I not wish to terminate?Spock is driven from Vulcan, disgraced – “

“Spock is not disgraced,” Sarek interrupted, surprise surfacing for an instant.“T’Pring, what has led you to this erroneous conclusion?”

“Did you not banish him?Is that not why Spock leaves Vulcan suddenly without even a word of farewell?”

“Spock leaves of his own choice.And the transport was already scheduled to leave for Earth today.Why would you think him banished?”

T’Pring regarded him with a tilt of her head, confusion evident in her serene features.Sarek had the sudden sense that there was more here that he could learn about his son, and so he gently led T’Pring to sit upon the chaise, and took up a position across from her.The spiraling surfaces of the Saavadrin trophy rose between them, catching the light and casting it across the room in rainbow-tinged reflections.

“Tell me of the elder.”

She seemed to relax then, and replied, “The elder was most complimentary of Spock’s achievement.He did not mention Spock’s unfortunate parentage until Spock did –“

“Unfortunate parentage?”

“Why, yes, Sarek.Spock’s human mother.”The confident expression on her lovely face gave way to puzzlement.“Surely you are not unaware – no, that cannot be,” T’Pring protested softly. 

“Unaware of what?” Sarek pressed now, leaning forward in his seat.

“That Spock’s Vulcan blood is considered to be diluted and tainted by the human contamination of his mother’s genome.”Although spoken matter-of-factly, the words were poisonous, each striking him like the venomous sting of desert scorpion.“Were it not for the illustrious history of your House, Sarek, my parents would never have agreed to the joining.”

“If that is what you believe, then you are mistaken, T’Pring,” Sarek said simply, rising to walk over to the shaded window overlooking the arid expanse beyond the adobe walls of his dwelling.“Do you know the story of the finding Surak’s katric ark?” he asked her over his shoulder.

“Every Vulcan learns the story at a young age.The Syrrannites located the ark, and brought it through the Forge to T’Pau, and with it she overthrew the High Command to found our Age of Enlightenment,” T’Pring recited with little interest.

“In its simplest terms, that is true,” Sarek agreed, turned from the window and looking at her over his steepled fingers.“The story told to children is much abbreviated over the full story.The Syrranites found Surak’s katric ark, it is true.But it was a human, Jonathan Archer, who brought Surak’s katra through the Forge to reunite Surak’s katra with modern Vulcan and reveal the truth of Surak’s philosophy.A human walked the path with Surak, held his counsel, and brought Vulcan out of its violent past into the future we know today.”

“A human?Carrying the essence of the greatest of us?” T’Pring shook her head head dismissively.“Surely that is not even physically possible!Humans are such a weak race –“

“A human.T’Pau knew him and grew to trust him.At first, she did not value him, for he was just a human.But he was not simply the vessel for Surak’s katra – he was chosen by Surak, chosen over a suitable and available Vulcan.Surak saw in humanity something that Vulcan needed if it was to survive.Ultimately, she felt that it was important that Vulcan build a relationship with humanity.”

“I am sorry, Ambassador, but what has this to do with Spock?With me?I understand that is why diplomatic relations between Vulcan and Earth exist, and that is how you met your wife, the Lady Amanda.But beyond that –“

“Did you know that the technology that allows Vulcans and humans to conceive is human in origin?The technology was developed by humans, without any assistance from Vulcan.”

“It is a technology with limited application –“

“And T’Pau offered the technology to my wife and I so that we might have a child born of both worlds.There were some refinements made in the process by our scientists, but the core of it was human.”

“I still do not see –“

“Spock’s birth was overseen by T’Pau personally, T’Pring.If anything had happened to my wife and I, T’Pau would have raised Spock as her own child.”

T’Pring remained silent now, listening intently to the story Sarek told.Sarek lifted his chin and rolled his neck, releasing some of the tension that had gathered there.“My House holds ties to many ancient families across Vulcan.There were many lines from which to select a mate for my son.Your parents approached me to request that you be joined with my son.They offered much, but in the end, it was your admirable qualities that decided matters.What you apparently consider a burden, your parents considered a great, much sought-after privilege.Have they never told you of this?”

“My mother tells me to be satisfied that the match is made.She has never told me how the match was made.”

“They have never told you that they chose to join you with a Vulcan of diluted blood because that Vulcan is favored by our minister, T’Pau.T’Pau did not see the joining of Spock’s mother and me as a weakening of the Vulcan bloodlines.Your parents sought advancement through the marriage.You were suitable, and so we accepted you.Are you suggesting that you are no longer suitable, T’Pring?”

T’Pring straightened, a thinning of her lips the only sign that Sarek’s words disturbed her, destabilized her view of the world and her place in it.In the widening of her eyes, Sarek saw that she understood.She shook her head.

“So the elder made a comment regarding Spock’s birth.Surely that is not all that transpired.”

“No, he questioned Spock about the origins of the craft and his pressure suit.Spock answered.The elder instructed him to remove reference to human origins.It was a small thing, a simple thing.It would have pleased the elder and made Spock’s entry into the Science Academy smoother.I know he was offered the appointment without applying, but still there is … there is a lack of confident that he is fully Vulcan.I offered to help, as is proper in a bondmate.With the race win and the paper, Spock would have been accepted –“

“By falsifying data.”

“By judicious editorial license.”

“By expurgating the offending facts from the story.Because the craft and the concept originated among humans.I see.”

“Do you?I am afraid I do not –“

“You and Spock are linked.Can you not sense how such a falsehood would be distasteful?As a scientist in search of truth?As a child whose mother came from Earth culture?You would erase half of him without a second thought.That is not logical.We do not exist in a vacuum, despite what many in our culture have sought in the years since the High Command lost power.”

“Ambassador, I meant no disrespect.I see that I have made an improper calculation with insufficient data.Please accept my apologies,” T’Pring offered, rising slowly from her seat, her eyes downcast as she all but bowed to Sarek.

He nodded, replying, “I will not terminate the kahl-il-far.That will be Spock’s decision.When you come to the appointed place and time, be certain that you are worthy to be his wife, T’Pring.And if you still wish to terminate the marriage, be sure that you have the courage to ask Spock directly to release you.”

&&&

The sun was only moments from setting, its red and amber rays shimmering along the horizon and casting the living area in a crimson haze.The light filtered through the graceful curves of Spock’s trophy, spreading arcs of color along the adobe walls.Sarek found the dance of light and shadow soothing as the day waned and the silence stretched on.

When the door opened gently as the last tendrils of fiery light burned away into the night, Sarek looked up serenely, at peace with whatever met his gaze.

Or so he thought.

Amanda stood in the threshold looking weary and a bit disheveled from her travels, but miraculously, she was here, in the home they had shared for so many years, and not upon a transport bound for Earth.Sarek was up and across the room before he realized he’d registered her presence, his fingers raised in salute and promise. 

She stared at them for only a moment before pressing her own two fingers against his.The pursing of her lips and the tautness around her eyes warned him that she struggled with an emotional response, but she kept it in check.The evidence of the effort she made was a greater balm to his soul than anything else she could have done.

“You have returned.I did not know that you would,” Sarek acknowledged softly, searching her eyes for clues on how to proceed.

“I nearly didn’t,” she admitted, her voice soft and small.“Spock convinced me that now was not the time to make a trip to Earth.”

“Spock was correct.In that and his claim that I did not possess all the data required for a logical determination.”

It was then that Amanda smiled, a true smile, lit with joy.He had never told her how much he enjoyed that particular smile, concerned that in observing the phenomena, he would alter its spontaneous and selfless quality.For the moment, he drank it in, reminded once more of the logic of taking this woman into his life and making her his wife.

“So, you’ll apologize to Spock?” she prompted him hopefully.

“No, I will not,” he replied, and the smile vanished, replaced by a darkening that he was quick to dispel.“By intent or by chance, the correct and logical decision has been made.”

The darkness in her eyes grew, and he realized he had once again miscalculated the complex equation of her emotions.“To disown your son,” she answered, her voice flat and devoid of emotion.How curious that emotion should drain so from her voice, and be so clearly evident in every other aspect of her being.

“I have not disowned Spock.I do not understand this leap of logic – T’Pring made the same erroneous conclusion when she brought Spock’s trophy from the wind race,” he said, gesturing toward the sculpture now taking pride of place on the table in their living area.

“T’Pring?”

Sarek knew that Amanda did not like T’Pring, and the request Spock’s bondmate had made of him actually lent credence to Amanda’s emotional response.But the match was made, and Spock and T’Pring had already begun the joining when they were children.He would not interfere in that joining – the choice to sever it must come from his son, at the appointed time and place.Perhaps it was sentimental, selfish even, but by leaving the marriage bond intact, Sarek insured that at some point, Spock would be forced to return home to honor the marriage contract.So Sarek made a tactical decision to edit his report of his interview with T’Pring – judicious editorial license, as T’Pring had described the elder’s demand that Spock falsify research – and did not mention T’Pring’s request.Instead he recounted to Amanda T’Pring’s initial misinterpretation that Spock had been disowned.

“Hmm, it’s interesting that she waited until she knew he was gone – news travels faster than light when it’s gossip.But you told Spock that he would go to Starfleet Academy not as a son of this House –“

“And so he should.This House does not condone military endeavors.The Vulcan High Command subverted Surak’s teachings and nearly plunged Vulcan into a war that would have cost the lives of countless planets.I have dedicated my life to peace and compromise. Just as my father was dedicated to peaceful exploration, despite the rising power of the High Command in his time.”

“Starfleet is about exploration as well, Sarek, it’s not about war, it’s not a military complex –“

“Starfleet’s ships are fitted with weapons of destruction.As a cadet, Spock will learn to use those weapons.While Spock is at the Academy, he does not represent this House – he attends as himself.And he will face his challenges on his own.As, apparently, he has always done.And we have observed how that has served him.

“Oh?”

“Spock never rises to the challenge.Spock always exceeds the challenge.I expect nothing less of our son.”

“You’ll tell him this, Sarek?It would make an enormous difference to Spock to know that you have faith in him, even if you don’t agree with his decision to go to Starfleet.”

“I will not.Spock’s ability to overcome adversity is something he must prove to himself.”

“Admit it, Sarek.You’re proud of Spock.”

“I have always been proud of Spock, Wife.I see no reason to distract him from the task at hand if he has not already deduced this for himself.”

The last glittering rays of the setting sun burst through the window, a sudden, lancing beam of light igniting the crystalline trophy, sending shards of red light skittering across the walls.The display caught both their attentions, and they looked up and around them to take in the dance of light. 

Sarek took Amanda’s hand into his, and held it gently for a long moment before saying anything more.At last, he told her, “I know that Spock has faced unusual resistance from his peers because of who his parents are.They belittle him because his mother is human, but that is not the only reason he has gained their attention.The legacy of this House stretches back through time to before the Time of Awakening.There have been many illustrious Vulcans in our line.That can be a heavy burden for a young male of any species to carry.And for others not so fortunate, it can be a bitter reminder of their own inadequacies.I recognize that now.”

“How?” she asked, reaching over to turn on a table lamp.“Spock has always tried to minimize the problems the others caused him, but a mother knows when her son is hurting, even a Vulcan son.But he was very careful not to let it show around you.”

“Apparently a father can be completely unaware, and for that I apologize,” he told her quietly.“Spock was effective in suppressing this unpleasant information.I do not understand why – it was not logical –“

“He did it to protect you, Sarek.He didn’t want to disappoint you in any way, and knowing how he was treated by other Vulcans was something he believed would.”

“Disappoint me?I am disappointed, yes, but not in Spock.In the narrow-mindedness of his peers, yes.You asked me how I knew – it was something T’Pring said in passing caused me to go back and re-examine the evidence.That Spock has been the target of unreasoning xenophobia was the only logical conclusion.I regret that I did not see the signs sooner – I did not believe such prejudice possible among Vulcans.”

“That sort of behavior would not be tolerated at Starfleet Academy – it goes against everything they stand for.”

“I believe you may be correct.However, as you know, my father’s father was the captain of the ship that made first contact with Earth.That meeting changed the course of human history, even as the High Command attempted to curtail human space exploration.My father was the first Vulcan ambassador to Earth.I was recently ambassador to Earth.Can you imagine how the other cadets would treat Spock if they knew?”

Amanda’s eyes widened in comprehension.“And that is why Spock attends Starfleet Academy not as a son of this House.I see.All right, I accept your logic.But why deprive Spock of your approval?”

“You do not see the logical conclusion?Spock does not need my approval, Wife.Spock need only be true to himself.If Spock is preoccupied with approval, he will not devote the energies necessary to achieving that which he is capable of achieving.Logically, then, my approval must be removed from the equation, just as knowledge of his progenitors amongst his peers must be.”

“Thus removing the source of friction.Well, that may be logical to you, but I don’t have to agree, Husband.I’m his mother, and I plan to distract him with my love and approval as often as I possibly can.”

“As you must.You would not be you if you did not, and in that context, your actions are eminently logical.” 

“Hmm.And according to Spock, it was also eminently logical that I return home to you.”Amanda smiled at him again then, a gentle smile that spoke of years together and years to come.Sarek realized that he liked this smile best of all, because it was the smile that endured, as they would.

Sarek touched fingertips to her cheek, and something like what Amanda might call a smile touched his lips.“Then our son has already proved himself the superior logician.And for that, I am grateful.” 

“Then I am fortunate indeed,” Amanda replied.

&&&

Spock stood before the viewport, looking out on the receding red ball that was Vulcan.Elsewhere on the ship, crewmen went about their normal tasks, ensuring the small transport ship functioned optimally.A few other passengers of varying races either stood like him at the viewport, or helped themselves to refreshments in the passengers’ lounge, a low murmur of conversation and generic sounds that could be classified as music acting as accompaniment.No one seemed to notice him, and no one seemed to care who he was or from which lines he was descended.Everyone experienced the launch from Vulcan in his or her or its own way, and Spock was left to experience his departure from the planet of his birth in his own way.

And for the first time in his young life, Spock, son of Amanda and child of Sarek, child of Skon, child of Solkar, was simply Spock of Vulcan.And the future opened up before him without definition and without expectation, and Spock felt equal parts excitement and fear.But even as he contained those emotions and set them aside, he knew they’d be his companions in the days to come, and welcomed them on his journey.

**Author's Note:**

> There are two more short pieces in this series. Hope you enjoy, and thanks for reading!


End file.
